I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
