Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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