we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
