Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
