Duck Duck Cougar?
the condom got lost in my hair
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize