a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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