dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize