Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
