So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
420 ftw
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
