Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
