I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
