It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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