Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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