she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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