she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
