You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
