I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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