I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
