Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just want nice things and good sex
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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