I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize