i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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