Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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