True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
