You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
