I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
