Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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