my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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