the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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