i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
