spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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