i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
