Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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