Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
