Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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