I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
