i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
