Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You're like the curious george of whores
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
