How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Randomize
