smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i already hear my dad disowning me
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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