I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
