oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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