If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
