Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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