why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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