My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
