Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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