So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
