True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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