My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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