I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
