You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
