He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
