he wants to bone in the snuggie
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
