so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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