There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
