I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
