He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I have aggressive nipples.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
