yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Even my vagina gasped.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
