just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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