i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
