im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
