After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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