Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
