I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
