he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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