"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
