I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
