My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
