there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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