I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
