haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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